I just couldn’t post anymore.
I went for a long time not able to put something out there because I was not comfortable with my entire life been out there for strangers to see. Not to mention I got some really bad social anxiety over having to keep up with the next amazing thing. Or feeling like I was been forced to talk to people who I felt had no genuine interest in my life other than what I wanted them to see.
I really could be isolating myself by opting out of it all. I really could be shutting down opportunities and the chance to connect with people who I could not physically connect with. I understand that is a risk however, in my view that is the only good thing out of it.
I am trying to live a more genuine authentic life, I am trying to stick with my values and for them to be my guidelines through out my life. Therefore, I was finding it really hard to see where it all fits in. It is a space where there is a lot of PR and half truths thrown around. Soon it becomes a source of validation, a portal where productivity goes to die and depression starts to breed.
I felt I was virtually chained to my phone. I couldn’t move a muscle without permission from the virtual world. For me to feel human then I needed that validation that my successes was actually success. Because, if the general public does not approve then it never happened. The virtual world was coated in hypocrisy and irony. Because of that I walked away.
Immediately after hitting the “delete permanently” buttons I felt a shift within me. I felt that I was no longer trying to act “politically correct”. I do not have the burden of trying to fit my “square” personality into the round whole of societal expectations. I can now freely share my thoughts and my views without having social anxiety. It has even shifted the way I create content now. There is no audience I want to reach anymore. I can express my thoughts in its raw form. It has made me go back to the reason why I started writing and shooting my thoughts. I really wanted to have a journal of my life so that I do not forget where I came from and the struggles I have gone through. Also, to read through my growth.