At times I get lonely. Especially when everyone seems to be living their lives. I am an introvert by nature. I enjoy a good conversation by myself and of late I really enjoy silence. But, at times I got out of character and I crave human interaction. It is then that I get lonely. The voice in my head that I hardly ever listen to speaks at that moment. “Munira, you are 22, you are wasting your youth sitting by yourself. You are isolating yourself too much” ” Let down those reservations and have fun like a “normal” human” Like any other human there is usually that one time that I will listen to this foolish voice.
It might be right. I may have accidentally gotten crazy building and built my walls too high up that no one can reach me. I have no one in my corner. I will die alone and the world will never know I existed. My essence will disappear and then what, everyone goes on with their Monday like every other Monday. It cannot be!!! I declare. It simply cannot be.
Like every other time, like every other human I will try go against my nature and venture out to the wild. To see what this world has to offer. I use stupid phrases like YOLO and Be Young to justify the stupidity I am about to get myself into. My favorite line “think of all the stories you will tell your grandchildren”. I will go out and have the time of my life. I have ventured and I have gained new and wonderful people who can now feel the void of loneliness. Let’s admit it, you are also here because the voices in your head told you.
Two lonely souls meet and I think I have found the answers to everything. I latch my entire existence on this particular person/people. I love them because they make me feel good. They make me happy. Most importantly they make me feel wanted. I shall never be alone again I tell myself.
Unfortunately, these lonely souls never stick around for long. The season passes. I am no longer the flavour of the month and it is time for the next lonely soul to take their shift. I do not understand this and if I do I will not accept it. I try and hold on to a friendship that has turned sour. In the process I infect every good memory I had with the person. I wait until its acidic before I left go.
Is it me? I ask myself. Am I the problem? Why do people continuously leave? Why do I venture out only to get hurt? I have no answer so I go back to my isolation.
Until the next time that voice speaks.