For a really long time I was the girl chasing the carrot. I wanted a 5 acre estate like the ones you see in the rap videos. In that estate I had a room solely for my shoes and another for my clothes. My husband would have his own room for his own equally lavish and extravagant wardrobe. I saw a Tv room, an art room. A sitting room for those who I did not feel needed to be in my personal space. A massive kitchen which included a prep room, a cold room, a breakfast area (so that the kids could do homework while I cooked) and an outside kitchen. For a really long time I thought that was my life and that was what I was going to work so hard to achieve.
If you had asked me what success looked like. I would have probably told you having excess money. I still believe in that to some extent. It would be nice to have some money around that’s not been used. It would be nice to generate so much money that it goes beyond and above my wildest dreams. Though it is not everything.
I was trapped.
In a rat race.
A self inflicted rate race.
I thought the way to progress in life is to own those many shoes, or to drive a certain make of car. I was chasing materials to fill up my pot of happiness. That was until I did a reflection piece mid this year. I started realizing that I was not filling my happiness pot. But, my stuff pot, my never going use this but, maybe just maybe if I ever met the queen it would come in handy pot. Things that when I am on my death bed would not matter. When eventually my body fails me I will not remenise and regrect not buying the newest on trend matte liquid lipstick. I will not remember the duplicates of things I did not use and did not give to someone who would probably have made better use of it.
That is when I really understood that I will not be judged based on the kind of filter I used on Instagram or how many followers I had. I will not be judged based on the acrylic nails or lack of. I want to be remembered as someone who genuinely cared about people. I want to be remembered that I was a servant of my community. That I was a student to the old and a mentor to the young. That I was pure at heart and did not wish any ill thoughts on anyone.
It is a work in progress especially the pure of heart bit. At times I forget and I spend hours looking at things I do not need. At times, I lie to myself if I bought this one item I would be a lot happier. My life would be more fulfilled. I know they are lies. I know I cannot be a victim of whim and impulse. Gone is the reckless YOLO life ( glad that abbreviation died) I cannot be a slave to items created by a fellow man.
Until next time,