I packed my bags and left.
I left because I had known for so long but, did nothing. I knew my humanity was fading the longer I stared at the screen. I knew I was selling my soul. The faster my fingers moved on the screen the more I was disconnected. It wasn’t all bad, I lied to myself. They were really amazing days when the right filter coupled with just the right amount of saturation made everything better. Those were the days that kept me when I should have left.
I picked up the biggest megaphone in the store and SHOUTed. I SHOUTed to a world how perfect my virtual world is.
I hid. I hid the shackles that weighed me down. If you were drowning look good doing it, I chanted. The noise, the rhythm of your thoughts hushing the negativity. Post happy. Post Naked. Post anything other than the struggles you are facing. Dance to the buzzing like a mad man in the market place. After all we are all mad men smearing “normal” on our faces.
I choked. The air passing through my lungs escaped me. I cannot breath in virtual air. A human was not designed to survive in a virtual utopia. I knew that, but I stayed. Hoping to morph into the next generation human one who would find happiness on a screen.
I could have both worlds. I could still have flesh and bones. Thoughts and ideas. I could still wake up and sit in my pjs and feel sorry for myself. I could still be human and still have the flawlessness of airbrushing apps and perfectly layed out food selfies. I am more than just my flesh I shout. Yet, that is all my feeds are about. I mask it under titles like self expression or just appreciating the human form. I get defensive, I cannot just love the way my body looks? However, I know deep down I am seeking validation for my beauty. If I am not harassed I am not beautiful.
Forget about the walls closing. That is simply a play on my imagination. I accept the dullness of my brain as I play with vivid colors and filters on my next #relationshipgoals #mylifeisamazing pictures. The walls will go away if I just clicked ignore. I will stop feeling caged when I close the apps. I can leave anytime I know that, but I stayed.
I ignored the flesh and bones next to me as I count the likes of virtual strangers. Strangers I have given the right to validate my existence. How else would they know I was great? I smile at the numbers of friend requests I get. The number of hearts I receive. Forgetting this is not a real connection. I cannot touch this person. I cannot place my perfect aside. You see they did not fall in love with the puppeteer but, with the puppet.
I knew all this that’s why I left