I was a hot mess.
If I wanted it I would buy it. Does it make sense? No, still buy it. Do I really need that? Nope, still buying it. Will I ever wear that? In my fantasy I look fan.ta.stic in it so I’ll get three. Do I wear make-up? nope, but I will buy an entire 32 piece brush set anyway. I have no idea what the other 30 brushes are for but, that’s why God invented YouTube.
Now that I think about it I was insane.
Hi, my name is Munira. I am an insane shopaholic.
There was no rhythm or rhyme to how I used to shop. It was my own little personal competition to see just how much junk I could buy with my money. I did not think. I just bought until money ran out and then sanity came back and I realized my stupidity. Then I was broke for the next three months wondering why I was broke.
I was shopping for a version of me that did not exist. This mentality sipped through everything. I had a lot of clothes but, never had anything to wear. I had wigs I had never worn but, was saving for another one. I have hair products that could last me two years but, I was obsessing over one product or another. It is was not going to stop.
I had hinged my happiness on shopping. I got a high from it. The bargaining, searching for that best buy, finding the new deal all that was a thrill to me. However, I had not realized I was shopping my emotions away. If I was unhappy or stressed shopping calmed me down. If I was happy shopping made me happier. It reached a point I had to come back with something when I left the house. I had masked the real reason why I was doing it thus, I never solved it. That is until I started my cleansing process.
It was going to be a fast process. I was going to lay all my belongings on the floor then casually remove three or four items I do not wear from the pile. It was a joke because I saw the pile of my belongings.
I was this one small person WHY DID I HAVE SO MUCH STUFF!!! Where would I even begin? It took me four days, many breaks and a lot of water to get through through my things. I gave out 90% of my belongings and trashed about two large boxes filled with papers and other junk.
I felt like I was been wasteful for having all these belongings for the sake of having them. It dawned on me my values and practices were not in line and it was time for a change
Until next time,