I am loving this song. It is what I think I sound like when I sing.The reality is worse. But, I can dream can’t I?
I have never felt as vulnerable as I have in this month. Both personal and professional events have been building up to a crescendo. It was bound to hit the climax and it did in the most powerful way in May. As with all songs we had reached the end, as it faded into silence I was left awoken.
I was exposed to attention. The spotlight burned brightly. It blinded me. I was not used to the outreached hands wanting a piece of me. I was not used to been seen as a piece of meat. Don’t you know I am human?
I was not used to been crucified because you had a snippet into my life. Just a small glimpse of a still in a movie that has yet to be concluded. Why write my ending when you neither produced nor directed my story?
I have been exposed to the “freedom” of speech. I thought I could separate me as Inteco and me as Munira. However, I learned what not say and what to the say that is “on brand”. I have been a puppet of a self brand I created. Am I the owner or the owned? Somethings are right to say but, not really. My words are potential daggers that will be used against me. Eventually.
Thoughts. Draining thoughts on what brand are we putting out there? Who is Munira in public? Have I become a product? Have I packaged myself in a way that I will not be able to repackage myself when I change? Do I know I am no longer human? Am I meant to lock away my soul and portray myself in the most appealing way possible. When did I sell my soul?
It has not all been bad…
I have been exposed to amazing people. People who share the same passion and drive. I have listened to stories of people who have walked a similar path. The sensation is like the residue of a hug. Many times I have caught myself smiling as someone was narrating their story. That’s my story, I want to say. That’s my struggle. It is amazing. The script is the same the main character changes.
As I have listened to the beautiful narrations of people at different levels from me my flame grew. Their words my fuel. Every good work, every great initiative was the fan that fed the flames. They see me as human. There are people who understand.
In June I was exposed to the nasty people who made me question my humanity. I was also exposed to the intricate delicate beauty of human connection.For so long I wanted to be understood and now I have. I am not alone. Neither are you. I have grown because I connected with individuals. I have grown because I was exposed and awoke in June.
Until next time,