I have always struggled with finding balance. When something is new and exciting I tend to put all my attention on it and forgo the rest of the things in my life. Once it gets old (and it gets old fast) I push it to the side and move on to the next new thing.
Sharing my life was a new me for me, I have been a very private person. I have never enjoyed talking about myself or what I am doing. However, as I have stated many times this year I want to share to impact and be impacted by others. The only way I can achieve this is by sharing my story and hope that it can start a conversation.
Since it was a new thing for me I spent all my time creating content on all social media platforms. I spent I think about 3 days straight filming videos and another 3 days editing. It was going to grow old very fast because I could not sustain this commitment. In addition, I have other balls in the air that I cannot afford to let them fall. I needed some sort of solution.
I cannot say I have found my balance. ninety percent of the time I am always running to the next thing. I am always giving more than I can produce. I am either working extremely hard or not at all. It is a disruptive state of being. I cannot say I had experienced internal calm. I have many times been hit with serve panic attacks, Insomnia and finally fatigue ( my body gives way when I overexert myself). If I was not moving around I was plotting I was in constant motion.
Currently, I am calmer. I hardly have the panic attacks. I sleep better. I have a generally better lifestyle than I had before. It took me a few health scares to slow down. However, I feel I have slowed down way TOO much. I feel I am at a standstill at times. This gave birth to a new devil, procrastination. It is my biggest vice. I find it difficult to push myself to do things that are not exciting to me. I am yet to find a cure for this.
I am a work in progress. I hope to get a balance soon. I wish to find appropriate times to do appropriate things but, have time to be spontaneous and live in the moment.
Until next time