My depression and I had become one.
I remember the day I was freed. When the shackles came off and I felt passion flow back into my veins again. I remember when I saw the world in color again. I grasped and greedily took in every experience of that day. I remeber the day I fell in love with Inteco again. It was better than the first time. I now knew this is the only thing I enjoy doing.
That particular day I was on YouTube watching nothing of significance. There was a You Tuber who caught my eye though – Shameless Maya. One of her videos was on the right side of the screen as a recommendation. I had seen her views on the recommendation list before but never really bothered to watch.
This particular instance however, her title caught my eye how to live when you are dying. As I watched her, her message started to resonate within me. I felt a dull buzz stirring in the depths of my been like the low vibrations of a bell. The more I watched the louder the buzzing got. There was a change in the air and I was ready for it. I am not sure why this particular video spoke to me but I am glad it did. To be pulled back to life at a time that I needed it the most is purely divine intervention
Without knowing I had been desperately seeking for any form of support to bring me out of depression. Unfortunately, I had to do this whole process on my own. It was not like I ever alone. I just never listened to the people close to me as they tried to give me support. Truthfully giving up was easier than getting up every time I was kicked down..
The video got me to thinking that maybe I was giving up just when I was about to break through. Just maybe I did not have to settle for anything. Who said it was business or employment? Who said it was that black and white? The more I questioned my demons the stronger my hope grew. My own voice grew louder in a sea of self-doubt.
In the filth of it all I had forgotten what I deserved and what I was worth. I had settled for death when I deserved to live out my dreams regardless of its magnitude. When I dream I do not dream with limits. When I work I should not work with limits either. To achieve this I must be CONSISTENTLY working hard and smart. I must CONSISTENTLY put in effort even though it seems like there is no end to it all.
The moment you only see darkness is when you should work even harder.
I deserve to dream and succeed and so do you.
Until next time.