With all that was happening I felt deflated. My previous elated feelings were a mirage in the distance. I did not even remember what happy felt like. I had worked hard to raise the money. I put all my blood, sweat and tears into this just for it to disappear like morning dew? No trace of it was left behind. If I did not have the bank slip I would have convinced myself I had imagined it all.
I could not believe that there were such malicious people in this world. I was worse off than I had began. I had exhausted my resources, my networks, my goodwill everything!!! How was I to recover from this?I could not do anything about the owner. We were in different countries. He had slandered me. The people who I had spoken to for all I knew were ghosts.
My depression came back with a vengeance. The emotional roller coaster I was on was tiring. My highs were extremely high and my lows were very low. I could not take it anymore so I shut off. I became numb. I was simply existing. I would wake because I had to and smiled on cue. I was physically present but not emotionally.
It was a very lonely time in my project. I took the failure extremely hard. I felt that no one really understood the magnitude of this problem. No one grasped how much I had wanted this to work out. No one saw me going senile. No one saw me breakdown. No one saw me deteriorate.
My dream had ended. Plain and simple. It. Was. Over.